What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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