I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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