I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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