well I can't set my house on fire every night
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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