i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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