Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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