I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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