he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
