Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
