This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize