After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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