I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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