Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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