So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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