She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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