i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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