Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
