Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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