i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
