You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
