At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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