This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
