First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
