Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
