i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Everything about him screamed your future.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
