Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Floor bacon is actually really good
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
