My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
