Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
