I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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