dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
