Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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