did you get engaged???
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
