where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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