Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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