So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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