i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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