I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
