I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
