If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
