im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
