is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize