The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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