Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
