New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
