it hurts more in the daytime
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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