god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
