Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
