I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
