i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize
