The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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