is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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