So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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