God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
