I think my fart just growled at me.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
