shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize