considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
