I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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