I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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