I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
