With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
why does every cop we meet know your name?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
