i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
