I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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