I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
