super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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