I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
