If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Randomize
