Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
