He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
