I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
