Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
