dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
