I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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