it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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