my mouth tastes like poor choices
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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