i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
