Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
