P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
