Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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