Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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