I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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