i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
