i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
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