: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
