i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
