dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
