I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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