his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
he quoted the bible to break up with me
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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