She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
