Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
