Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I love having hate sex.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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