Soap is not a condiment
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
