her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
