i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
