Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
