nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
