i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
